The Client-centred Blog

What’s controlling your life?

Deepak Chopra said:

“What you pay attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will grow in your awareness.”

What he points out is that when we worry about things it doesn’t improve the situation; it brings more of that thinking into our minds and this informs how we behave.

This is also what prompted Daniel Goleman, psychologist and author of ‘Emotional Intelligence’ to say:

“Our worries become self-fulfilling prophecies, propelling us towards the very disaster they predict.”

So, here is a question to consider…

When you meet a potential client for the first time, or you are with an existing client, where do you take their attention?

Do you point their attention at the things that matter to them and centre the conversation around these things?

Or do you draw their attention to the things that preoccupy your own thinking?

It is surprising how many people do the latter (often unknowingly).

An adviser paid a lot of attention to his thinking about the fees he charged. He worried about his client’s reaction to them.

And guess what?

He used to get resistance from clients over fees and this only reinforced his beliefs about them. Every time a client questioned his fees, he would say to himself, “See, it’s true. Clients don’t like paying fees”.

Another adviser used to spend a lot of time talking to clients about what the investment markets were doing.

And guess what?

Every time the markets fluctuated, he would get worried clients contacting him and asking if they should be in or out of the markets.

Giving your undivided attention

Kare Anderson wrote an insightful article in the Harvard Business Review titled, ‘What captures your attention controls your life’.

She makes the point that it is impossible to bond with and form a meaningful relationship with someone who can’t or won’t focus on you.

The foundation of conducting inspiring client meetings is having nothing on your mind.


Because the clearer your mind, the more you see.

For instance, you become far more perceptive and intuitive to what is going on with your clients. You can sense what draws their attention and what they worry about.

And when you see it, you can help.

What greater act of service is there to your clients than helping to remove their fears and having them experience greater peace of mind?

Something that’s impossible to do if we’re preoccupied with our own thinking.

John Dashfield

John Dashfield spent 14 years as a self-employed adviser. Since 2006 he has been a coach, mentor and author helping advisers create transformations in their business and personal lives.



Leave a Comment