This month—just as I’ve done for more than two decades—I’ve blocked out a full day in my diary for something most people never schedule: a pause.
A deliberate, reflective stop.
I could do it at any point in the year, but there’s something about the end of a calendar year
that naturally invites this kind of introspection. The festive break and the feeling of a fresh beginning all help.
I like to take myself somewhere that inspires clear thinking.
This year it will probably be Rye in East Sussex, close to home and one of my favourite
towns.
It has everything I need for reflection: coffee shops, cobbled streets, and just a short drive
away, the wide-open space of Camber Sands or the nature reserve teeming with birds at
Rye Harbour. Perfect places to think.
The process that started it all
My first coach introduced me to ‘Your Best Year Yet‘ by Jinny Ditzler back in the late 90s.
I didn’t realise then how much it would shape my life.
Although I’ve adapted the process over the years, the essence remains the same. The book
guides you through ten deceptively simple questions:
- What did I accomplish over the past year?
- What were my biggest disappointments?
- What did I learn?
- How do I limit myself, and how can I stop?
- What are my personal values?
- What roles do I play in my life?
- Which role is my major focus for the next year?
- What are my goals for each role?
- What are my top ten goals for the next year?
- How can I make sure that I achieve my top 10 goals?
Answering these questions creates something more valuable than a list of goals—it gives
you direction, alignment, and an opportunity to evolve rather than simply rinse and repeat
another year.
And over the decades, here’s some of the things I’ve learned…
1. A plan becomes obsolete the moment you create it
The proverb “Make plans and God laughs” is truer than most people want to admit.
Life often unfolds differently to our plans.
Opportunities appear out of nowhere. Challenges show up unannounced. Entire directions
shift.
In 2012, for instance, I flew to the US in January to work with coach Michael Neill. That
experience changed the direction of my work in ways I could never have planned for.
So yes, planning is valuable—but only when we recognise that plans don’t account for what
life brings after the ink dries.
2. Knowing yourself matters more than any plan
It’s a fundamental human need to grow and evolve.
When we live inside the same old thoughts and habits, life begins to feel stale.
Reflection exposes the places where you’ve drifted away from your truest self.
A plan that isn’t aligned with who you really are is just another obligation. A plan that is
aligned becomes a natural extension of you.
3. Be highly involved, but lightly attached
I like goals. They give shape to the year.
But I’ve learned to hold them loosely.
We perform at our best when we’re fully involved in what we’re doing but not emotionally
entangled with the outcome. It’s a sweet spot—engaged but not pressured. Focused but
free.
It’s not always easy, but when you find this balance, your effectiveness increases and your
stress decreases.
4. Give up the need to control
Trying to control everything is one of the most exhausting ways to live.
There are simply too many variables—other people, timing, circumstances, the unexpected.
Letting go of control isn’t passive. It’s powerful.
It allows you to engage with life as it is, not as you insist it should be. It’s one of the most life-affirming shifts I know.
5. Achieving a goal is just a moment in time
Goals can trick us into believing that our happiness lives somewhere in the future.
I’ve fallen for that more times than I care to admit.
But life happens in the space between goals—the ordinary, daily rhythm of showing up,
taking action, sometimes failing, trying again, and making progress.
When you enjoy the process rather than pinning your happiness to the outcome, you’re free.
You’re no longer chasing fulfilment—you’re experiencing it.
6. Progress is built on systems, not willpower
Steve Chandler helped me understand this.
A goal without a system is a wish.
A goal with a system becomes a reality in motion.
Systems turn intention into behaviour and behaviour into results. They reduce friction. They
make momentum inevitable.
If you want lasting change, build the system—not just the goal.
If you’ve never taken time out to reflect like this, try it.
Choose a place you love, slow down, and ask yourself the ten questions. Or a version that
works for you.
You might be surprised by what you discover.
PS. Want to learn more about stress-free goal setting? Click here.
