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The relationship skill financial planners often overlook

Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give another human being is to remember that they do not live in the same world as us.

Not psychologically, emotionally, nor in the meaning they attach to life, money, success, family, or the future.

Why?

Because each of us experiences life through the lens of our own thinking.

And since our thinking is always uniquely our own, the reality we experience is too.

This matters more than we tend to realise.

As author and spiritual guide Don Miguel Ruiz pointed out:

“We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do.”

And when we make that assumption, we stop being truly present.

We listen less carefully, we project, we interpret, and fill in the blanks.

In other words, we make things up – and then mistake them for truth.

Without realising it, we begin relating more to our idea of the person than to the person themselves.

Why this matters in client relationships

At the heart of every strong client relationship is a simple human need:

We want to feel understood.

Not just on a factual level but on a human level.

We want to feel that someone really sees us. That they get us and understand what matters to us and why.

That only becomes possible when we stop assuming and start getting curious.

The moment I remember that my client is living in a reality that looks different from mine, something changes in me.

I become more curious, ask better questions, and listen more deeply.

Not because I’m trying to use a better technique, but because I’m no longer relating to my assumptions.

The quiet power of curiosity

Curiosity carries a quiet power.

It takes your attention off yourself and places it fully on the other person.

As C.S. Lewis said:

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

That is what genuine curiosity does.

It quietens the noise in your own mind and makes you more present.

Clients can feel when you are trying to lead the conversation.

And they can feel when you are truly with them.

That difference matters.

Separate realities, deeper trust

When we see the truth of separate realities, something softens.

We become less certain and more curious.

Less agenda-driven and more present.

Less interested in being right and more interested in understanding.

And that changes everything.

It deepens trust.

It improves the quality of our conversations.

It helps people feel seen, heard, and safe.

And from there, better thinking becomes possible.

In financial planning, as in life, the greatest value often comes not from having the right answers…

…but from having the presence and humility to truly enter someone else’s world.

PS. Listening is a superpower. Click here to discover why.

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John Dashfield spent 14 years as a self-employed adviser. Since 2006 he has been a coach, mentor and author helping advisers create transformations in their business and personal lives.

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SEARCH BLOG

RECENT POSTS

BLOG CATEGORIES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

John Dashfield spent 14 years as a self-employed adviser. Since 2006 he has been a coach, mentor and author helping advisers create transformations in their business and personal lives.

Get your FREE copy of the
'Magical Client Meetings Every Time!' report
and exclusive content

Just pop in your name and email below for immediate download

Your information is not shared or sold to anyone else.